* ROMANCE MATHEMATICS *
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smar t woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
* OFFICE ARITHMETIC *
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
*SHOPPING MATH *
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
*GENERAL EQUATIONS *
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
*HAPPINESS *
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
*LONGEVITY STATISTICS *
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
* PROPENSITY TO CHANGE *
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
* DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE *
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
* HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED *
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.